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Sunday, October 23, 2011

Wommy Guilt

Piper's daycare number flashed on the called ID in my office phone.  Gulp!  The dreaded 2:30 pm phone call - "Piper has a fever of 102.9."  As I quickly gathered papers, closed out programs and shutdown my computer, I dreaded telling my boss that I would have to leave unexpectedly, again.

This is the third time in the last six weeks that Piper has spiked a fever at daycare.  Sweet P made it through her first year of life without even one earache, but then they started to come in waves.  One more earache within the next month and it will be time for tubes.  

When I told my boss that I'd have to work from home both Thursday and Friday, I could tell she wasn't happy.  It didn't help to have poor Piper screaming in surround sound during a conference call.  

This is where the wommy guilt tears you apart.  I feel guilty for not being in the office and then guilty for not giving Piper the attention she deserves.  My heart breaks as Piper grabs my leg, wanting me to pick her up and cuddle her.  But I can't until I finish the last minute deadlined project that's been dropped in my lap.       

My fellow wommies tell me that the guilt never truly goes away, but that you just learn to manage it better.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to manage the guilt of not being there 100% of the time for Piper.  Fingers crossed that a MegaMillions lottery ticket will come through sooner rather than later.     

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